Towards a New Economic Miracle: The Case for an Independent North East of Scotland



Alexander Mac Salmond at Bannockburn



Alex Salmond recently fired the starting pistol on what will effectively be two years of bitterness, argument, uncertainty, chest thumping and division. His speech in Perth was attended by hordes of Scottish Nationalists who loudly acclaimed their Glorious Leader, and amid the usual platitudinous statements and preaching to the converted, Salmond called for Scots to vote for independence so that we can be rid of the UK government's 'Incompetent Lord Snootys'....... so that they can be replaced with a group of Scottish Incompetents, presumably.What Salmond does not understand is that incompetence transcends nationality. Morally bankrupt, flip-flopping, Scottish politicos are no different than English ones.  Is it really sensible to create another autonomous political system on this island in which more corruption and spin can prosper? 

As far as speeches go, Salmond's wasn't the worst but it didn't do anything to alter my opinion of him or his Party. Nothing will dissuade me from continuing to believe that Salmond will attempt to achieve his dream of independence no matter the cost. I'm confident that he will use whatever means at his disposal to undermine his opponents, question the patriotism of those who are pro-Union, and stir up a shit storm of anti-English sentiment. The next two years are going to be unbearable. I wonder if there'll be a re-release of Braveheart? Maybe a film about Bannockburn to coincide with the 700 year anniversary? This would surely include a cameo from Salmond himself - playing a wronged Scots peasant or something pathetic like that. I'm sure it will all stop short of war, but I think we'll find ourselves in a situation where Scots and the English are going to start deeply resenting each other. Maybe I sound about like an exasperated parent or school teacher but,  why can't we all just get along? Why can't we focus on what we have in common and try and reform the stagnant status quo within UK politics, starting with the banks, the electoral system and our relationship with Europe? I know. Never going to happen.

And what about Europe? Salmond continues to tout 'Scottish' identity as a reason for wanting independence but fully supports an independent Scotland's application for EU status. How can Scottish Identity be accentuated in the EU? We'd be drowned out by all the larger, influential countries, and end up fighting for the scraps from their tables. We would have no voice except when it maybe came to speaking about whiskey. And oil? The EU must be rubbing their hands with anticipation. Get Scotland all on their own and when they apply for EU membership we screw them over royally and tax the fuck out of their oil revenues. An independent Scotland is meaningless if it opts to apply for EU membership. She will immediately become part of this undemocratic conglomeration of states which seems hell bent on abolishing the nation state and replacing it with a United States of Europe.  Is there even support amongst Scots to join the EU in the event of independence? The only support I have seen for greater EU integration is from the over payed EU bureaucrats themselves.  In my opinion there does not seem to be any possibility of furnishing a European Identity to suit all, despite their efforts with the flag, anthem, single currency (that's been a resounding success, no?) etc They should have realised what a terrible mistake Eurovision was and left it at that.

I don't want to leave the Union, but if that's the way it goes then I will certainly, without trepidation lobby for a referendum on the question of whether North East Scotland secedes from Scotland as I have no desire to be part of this doomed enterprise. Nor do I want the central belt socialists and weegie pavement pirates to be in charge.

Draw a line from Buckie-Kingussie-Stonehaven and that is what I am proposing as the border of an Independent North East of Scotland (see map below). Gives us the best of the fishing industry, agricultural land and oil. Some good skiing too.  We'd have control of a fair amount of North Sea oil (http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Publications/2011/06/21144516/7#f51). We can cut off the state subsidised, sectarian backwater that is Glasgow; say farewell to the up its own arse Edinburgh; give the two fingers to Scumdee, a big cheerio to the Borders, a Bidh mi 'gad fhaicinn to the Gaels, farewell to the Islanders who think they're vikings anyway and a f*** you to the EU. It would be an economic miracle and we wouldn't need any of them.

The capital will be Aberdeen. We'd turf the City Council out of Marischal College and make it our government building. We'd introduce Free Banking (something which I should thank my dear brother for making me aware of) (See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_banking). The National Anthem would be 'The Buchan Plooman'. We'd be a Republic with a Constitution based on the US one with a bill of rights (maybe leave out the right to bear arms bit though). We would tax the religious. Ban the bomb. Start an airline. Build an oil refinery in Peterhead. We'd introduce National Service so that all citizens are trained to protect themselves from the barbarians lurking out with our borders. Doric would be the official dialect and will be compulsory in schools. We'd re-build Fraserburgh University and offer degrees in Doric Studies. Stovies would be the national dish. We'd... but wait... I'm getting carried away. I expect you've already noticed the flaw in the plan. It is a BIG flaw. Or rather an obese one. A certain Alex Salmond is currently MSP for Aberdeenshire East. This constituency lies right in the heart of the Republic of North East Scotland. Upon independence we would propose a referendum on how best to deal with him. Something along the lines of 'Do you agree that Alex Salmond should be exiled to Glasgow?' I think that would sort that out.

Sound like a plan?